Perhaps the greatest conversational invention of all time is the weather. It's safe. It's very difficult to offend anyone with it--and frankly, if someone's going to get offended when weather is discussed, it might be time for some rather serious self-evaluation. Not global warming, of course. Go ahead and get all worked up about that particular topic. Sure. Who can blame you?
Notice I didn't suggest the side one ought to take? That's right. It's not just a hat rack, my friend.
Anyway, several times this week I've had the same conversation with countless people.
Random Person: Wow, it's getting cold out there!
Me: It really is, isn't it?
[NB: As this is the Pacific Northwest, "really cold" is generally defined as anything cooler than 45 degrees. "Really hot" is anything over 80 degrees. We have only two seasons, winter and July. We put on shorts as soon as it clears 65 degrees. We live with cloud cover more than nine months of the year. But we are wimps when it comes to anything outside of our extremely small temperature range. Anyone with real weather should feel free to commence mocking.]
Random Person: They say we're going to get snow on Friday.
Me: [shaking my head] Not going to happen.
[If you are from an area of real weather, please remember: Any snow in this part of the world is hysteria-inducing. People will panic, call in sick to work, keep the children home, have to keep the children home because schools have closed and clear every grocery store around of milk, bread, eggs and toilet paper. All because of one inch of snow. No, I'm not kidding.]
Random Person: No, really, I heard/saw/read it on the radio/KOMO 4/The Weather Channel dot com....
Me: [shaking my head] Not going to happen. I've taken care of it.
Random Person: Really?
Me: Yes. I had my studded snow tires put on my car.
Random Person: Ohhhh.
Me: Yes. We're also completely stocked for food, have bottled water and three years worth of firewood. Chains in the trunks of the cars. De-icer for the steps.
Random Person: Nice.
Me: Yes. So you see, because I'm ready for it, it will not snow. [holding up a hand and shrugging modestly] No, no. You're welcome.
And this morning, when Roommate opened my bedroom door and said:
"It snowed last night."
Sigh. The Omnipotent Comedian wins.