Wednesday, May 4, 2011

Further Adventures of WW

Did anyone notice that Weight Watchers and World War __ have the same initials? I just thought I'd point that out.

Yesterday was a huge learning opportunity for me and gosh, how I do adore those! I meander along, thinking, foolishly, of course, that I have sufficient character developed and then whammo! I am presented with personal growth opportunities galore!

Oh, that Omnipotent Comedian...what a giver. Guess what I got this week!

To preface this, allow me to tell you that Weight Watchers assigns point values to foods based on nutritional content and then grants each participant a certain number of points per day, based on weight, age and gender. Obviously, something like a cream puff is going to have a higher point value [9 points for one 2-ounce puff] than minestrone soup [2 points for one 8-ounce cup]. In this system, the lowest assigned number of points is 28. I am at 40.

As I lose weight, my allotment of points will decrease. I know!

Anyway. In this latest incarnation of WW, most vegetables and all fruit have 0 points. Zero. None. Nada. Zip. Zilch. This is a great comfort to me as I foresee many days in the future in which I will have inhaled all the point-ed foods I'm allowed to eat and still have miles to go before I sleep. And miles to go before I sleep.

Oh, that Bob Frost. Always repeating stuff. No, not the point. I'm just saying.

So I was bopping along, getting through my day, using the eTools on WW to track my food. [Btw, this is a VERY big deal in WW. "Track your food! Track your food!" Okay, okay. Jiminy Christmas. Take a poop.] After recording the canned pineapple that Roommate and I had picked up on our last grocery story foray, I saw that 1 cup of pineapple, canned in its own juice, was NOT zero points, but FOUR POINTS. FOUR POINTS!!! What kind of sick deal is this???

What, we only get the zero point benefit if the pineapple is fresh?? It was canned in its own freaking juice! Do I hack it off its parent plant with my machete to guarantee this??? After all, after cutting the pineapple open, juice escapes. The fruit is now sitting--gasp!--in its juice. What the hell is up with that?

It's not like I expected stuff canned in heavy syrup to be point-free. I'm not a complete diet dolt. But come on! This is horribly unfair.

Later that day, I was tracking again and entered "peas" into my list. I had a bag of frozen peas in the fridge here at work and thought they'd be a lovely addition to my meal. And what to wondering eyes did appear but a note on the food list:

Peas, green......1 cup.......3 points

Peas. PEAS!!!! What kind of world is this, that PEAS have points???????

I won't lie. There was shrieking. As Roommate was off work for the day, I was forced to use her coworkers as vent receptacles. Then I used my coworkers. Then I vented to Roommate via voice mail and text message.

Me, regrettably shrill on voice mail: Peas! Three freaking points? Are they kidding me? This is ridiculous!! I should get all the damn peas I want!!!!!

Roommate, text reply: Those bastards. Why can't they leave peas alone?

Me, text reply: All I am saying is give peas a chance.

Look, I accept that WW point values will make me unhappy. I'm not deluding myself about burgers or fries or massive volumes of baked goods. I'm not even kvetching about all produce. Potatoes, sure. It's a starch bomb built to transport fat. Corn, okay. It's a grain. I get it.

I may never eat peas again. Yeah. That'll teach 'em.

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