Tuesday, March 8, 2011

It's a sign.

"Excuse me, where is the lab?"

[Ooo, I love that tone! The combination of querulous demand and I'm-so-abused whine is fabulous.]

Well...that would be right here. Yes. Here. Uh huh. Right where the sign directs you. Here. HERE. Yes, you found it! Yay, you!

"Now I need an X-ray."

Why, yes. Yes, you do. Conveniently, the lab and X-ray departments are so darn close, they even share signage. It's super, isn't it? See, look! X-ray! Right next to the lab.

[yelling outside the lab, in the lab/X-ray waiting area]

"Hello! Hello!"

Yes, may I help you?

"Well [that snotty sound 14 year old girls make so well] I have to have THIS done and I don't know what I'm supposed to do!" [waves order slip]

Well...let's take this one step at a time. First, stop yelling at me. No. Really. Stop yelling at me. Second, let's look at this sign here. Now, this is your order slip. It should be placed in the order holder. Then we usually have you ring the bell. That's how we know you're here!

[14 year old girl sound again]
"I didn't see a bell."

Oh, okay. This is the bell, the glowy thing with the label. Marked "bell." If you ring this, we come running out to you! [big, almost sincere, helpful smile]

[patient reaches toward glowy thing marked "bell"]

Oh, no! You don't have to do that now! I see you! If you have to come here again, you'll know exactly what to do. Is that nice?

[post diagnostic testing care]

"Excuse me, where do I go now? They said I'm supposed to go to the waiting room when I was done here."

Hmm. Well, what I would do is head this direction. Toward the waiting room. Yes. This way. This way here. Yes, exactly! Okay! Thank you! I hope you feel better soon! Bye-bye!

I kid you not.


  1. soooooo good. IT is the sad truth. I don't know if these people loose their minds when they walk through our door or if they just come in that way. How are they making it through life? Scarry.

  2. how about the old adage.. children should be seen and not heard !!

  3. I couldn't find the up button on the elevator one day. Yep, I had to have my mom show me right in front of my face.

    Have you considered some of these people are overwhelmed by what the doctor might be asking them to do? Just saying.

    Now, back to my cookies and coffee.

  4. Ha ha. We love the question "wheres the exit" hmmmmm. Hallway, one of two directions....such a maze we have here! Oh em gee!

  5. 'Can't-find-the-thing-under-my-nose' syndrome. I HATE it when it happens to me. Of course, I try to recognize when it's likely happening (is it happening or is the thing JUST NOT THERE? I don't know! Arrrg!) and not to whine like a 14 year old girl; whether I succeed is probably someone else's decision.

    Sometimes it feels like the auto mechanics, the credit card bill printers and a few others are playing some kind of game: "Where can we hide this crucial thing in plain sight so that it gets overlooked by standard scanning patterns?"

  6. See, this is why more people should pursue higher education: then they can get a "masters of the obvious" and they can leave you alone.