Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Added to the wishlist:

I'm not a car person. I'm not. My buddy Erik, wonderful creature that he is, is a car person and likes to share car information. I like this about him. I don't understand 90% of the things he tells me and I retain almost nothing of the explanations five seconds after he's walked out the door, but he's lovely about it. He uses small words and speaks slowly.

All in all, the best kind of car guy to know. Just saying.

That being said, I don't have the appreciation for cars that many people do. Oh, I know when they're pretty, but that's as far as it goes. A high-performance vehicle is wasted on me. A Ferrari is the vehicular equivalent of a Bose stereo system to me. Very nice, but you may as well give me a mini stereo from the thrift store for all the difference I notice.

This is why driving the Cast-Iron Tank, AKA Volvo, doesn't bother me too much. Well, when I put the gas mileage out of my head. When I think about the gas mileage, I sob a little and think lustfully of this:

It's such a sensible little car, this Prius. Look at it. Designed to reduced wind resistance, not for speed, but for efficiency. I love that. And even though a gigantic Duracell lives behind the back seat, you can still put a reasonable amount of groceries in the back. Or a suitcase. Unlike this:

This upgraded roller skate...excuse me, smart car does not seem terribly smart or efficient to me. The gas mileage seems okay, but if one must drive the smart car, 93 mpg seems a reasonable expectation.

The Scion version is slightly better; it has a back seat.

Only small children and/or international fashion models can fit into the back seat, but hey! It's there, at least. One local car reviewer has an interesting test for vehicle stowage; he counts how many of the mondo Costco packs of toilet paper fit into a car. The Scion iq holds seven. Seven.

Almost worth never being able to offer anyone a ride home. Just saying.

I don't understand the two-seater vehicle. Even this gorgeous beast of a car:

I'm drawn to the Tesla, don't get me wrong, because it's a very, very, very pretty car AND because it's 100% electric. This may not actually make my brain explode with lust and longing, but there's definitely been some small popping sounds from my skull whenever I see this.

And this:

So pretty. So very, very pretty.

Okay, yeah. If I won the lottery, I'd buy one. No, I'm not holding my breath. I'm just saying.

Of course, if I won a LOT of money from the lottery people, I'd also buy one of these:

A Karmann Ghia. It's so cute! Not sensible. Not practical. It's the vehicular equivalent of puppies and tiny clothes for babies, and it, too, reduces me to high, squealing noises and incoherent babble--yes, more than usual. I just love these cars. I have no clue how much it would cost to maintain. I'm certain the gas mileage is absurd. And crash safety rating? Mmm...probably none. But I don't care. It's so darn cute!

I'm just saying.


  1. Yeah, the cars, they're nice, but for true moto-porn, motorcycles are the way to go. A merely average-looking motorcycle can evoke growling noises of desire in the way an average-looking car could never dream of causing. My current bike is probably below-average on the motorcycle scale of visual yumminess, but it still induces a bit of the hammina-hammina when I look at it in a way no sensible car ever does.

    Volvos: Very sensible. Much better for collisions with moose than motorcycles. But my 650cc engine gets mileage north of 40mpg even when I'm regularly indulging in slightly irresponsible (but joyous) acceleration.
    I wouldn't say no to a Bondesque Aston-Martin, wouldn't kick a Lamborghini out of bed; and yeah, those electric cars have great torque, but what four-wheeler under $8k or $15k is going to give the thrills a comparably priced leather-accessories-required vehicle provides?

  2. Nice looking cars but they don't speak to me. Maybe it's because I'm the hauler vehicle in the family...small animals, lumber, bricks,, not bodies, roofing, insulation, groceries, and other things.

    I like some fast cars, not into motorcycles, much, and find myself looking at trucks more often than not.

    Yes, I'm an odd girl. Now give me a Lotus Europa and yes, I'll grin, and get that gleam in my eye that says I could be trouble.

  3. Hubby and I saw a commercial for the smart car the other day and were in tears over our comment to each other. I told him I seriously would want one. We could park it in the garage and pull out the garbage cans to stow at the side of the house. The smart car would take their place. Or we could actually sneak it and store it at the side of the house...where the large green bin is for all the grass clippings....right beside it actually. But I decided that the best idea was driving in through the house to the glass door and parking it in the backyard. If we don't get the smartcar, we may just get the Prius. I'm serious.

  4. My great uncle owned a Lotus, it has always been a pity I was too young to drive.
    So you have seen the Mini Cooper right?? No one should ever have a conversation about cute cars without at least mentioning these beauties! Mini has six gears w/ optional boosers (zoom zoom zoom)!! A delightful A shape body that promises to scare the piss out of every passanger while I am cornering too fast for fun!!
    Best of all, I would get a bumper sticker that reads "Actual Size".