This is Alaska Fish Fertilizer. It's made from fish. Long dead, deeply rotted fish. This makes me think of my friend Carole.
No, no! Not like that! I'll explain.
Carole has Shetland sheepdogs, AKA shelties. This is a sheltie:Carole has four of them, in fact. Her darling husband Roger refers to the grouping as a "spasm of shelties." Evidently, it's a herd of cattle, a pod of whales, a pride of lions....and a spasm of shelties. Who knew?
Carole was walking her spasm by a river near her home when her furry children spotted a salmon that had washed ashore and partially rotted on the riverbank. The four of them surrounded the dead fish and had after a good sniff, and before Carole, now running, could stop them, they fell as one upon the fishy corpse and commenced rolling in the stink.
Look at the picture of the sheltie again. Now, imagine, if you will, that small mountain of fur saturated with rotting fish stench and goop.
Yes, goop is the technical term. Add it to your notebook.
I thought of Carole today as I was dealing with my own wee beastie. In the process of trying to get her to do her business outside, I knocked over and shattered a four-year-old bottle of Alaska Fish Fertilizer. Did you know that a shattered bottle of fish fertilizer actually spatters as it shatters? It does. Oh, it does.
Word of advice? If you have the opportunity to shatter and spatter a bottle of fish fertilizer...
...Just say NO.