Wednesday, January 4, 2012

Could I get a little spin on this?

So I have a Flex Spending Account. It's one of the benefits of working the job I do.


Yeah. One of few. Anyway. It's something that allows money to be taken from my paycheck--WHOO HOO!!! What could be better than that?--before taxes and held in account for healthcare costs not covered by my insurance. All I have to do is send an itemized bill to the flex-account people [or whatever they're actually called] and magically, money appears.

Yes, it's my money. It's not like anyone's just giving it to me. I earned it. But here's the kicker: if I don't spend/submit bills for all of it...'s gone.


This year was a relatively healthy year. No molars splitting in two for no damn good reason. No out-of-pocket therapy costs, though, whom am I kidding, I probably could have used some. No random, moose-related injury-repair surgeries. So at year's end, I had about $450 left in this account.

What to do?

I had a plan.

The plan was this. I would wait until nearly year's end, go get an updated prescription for my eyes, and replace the glasses I've had for better than three years. This way, if anything, moose-related or not, came up, I'd have my cushion.

It's not just a hat rack, my friend. I'm not just a pretty face.

But that was my plan. it was a good plan. It was a solid plan. And then, in the way of all plans, the Omnipotent Comedian had a giggle. December was an unsurprising bundle of activity and despite my rather remarkable cleverness, my plan fell straight out of my brain. Until the 28th.

Do you know how hard it is to get a medical appointment on the last business day of the calendar year?

I managed to worm my way into an appointment at the vision center at the mall [shudder] on Friday and ordered my glasses from Costco on Saturday.

That's right, Costco. On a Saturday.'re thinking less and less of my intelligence, aren't you? But it really wasn't too bad. The optical department is the least insane spot in the asylum.

Anyway. I went to Costco, ordered two pairs of glasses and managed to blow the remainder of the Flex Spending Account because....

[Wait for it.]

The bifocals I now need cost a whole lot more!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yup. So let's revisit the whole dating site profile, shall we? As much as I adore the brilliance of this suggestion:

"Are you the kind of guy frustrated with women not witty enough to keep up with you, with ladies too demure to offer an honest opinion? Do you like food enough to know the difference between Pho Tai and Faux Thai, and want someone with whom you can watch Iron Chef and shout at the screen when the judges make a bad call? Are you secure enough that you can be around a woman more passionate about hockey than you? Then hey, buddy, have I got someone you should meet..."
By Anonymous on The Search For Next on 1/3/12

There is more information we need to include.

How do we work in the sheer fabulousness of being a bifocal-wearing, Volvo-driving, romance-reading spinster into the profile?

Obviously, I need a spin doctor.


  1. Leave the Volvo out of it: too much information eliminates the mystery, the intrigue, the startling revelations during the salad course on the first date. Nothing spices up conversation like, "And by the way, I drive a Swedish car, if you know what I mean. Care for more croutons?"
    Maybe we can do a round-Robin on trying to construct your profile. I'd spin the bifocals as part of "avid reader" package.

    I got my first set o' bifocals just before starting fall semester. Still not convinced they improve the quality of life.

  2. Joined the bi-focal club, did ya? I've had mine for too long.

    I'll go with Anonymous on the profile. Leave a bit of mystery. ;)

    Glad you got it all done before the end of year. :D