Monday, August 29, 2011

What to do...

Darling invisible friend, please do not faint. I realize that I'm posting twice in one day, but fear not---The End is not actually nigh. I..just felt like it.

Well, I'm really trying to noodle out a small dilemma, and I'm shamelessly using you as a sounding board. Now, given that you're invisible [and possibly imaginary] you are not obliged to respond. Heck, you're not obliged to do anything! I can't even make you read this blog, unless, of course, you bear the burden of existing in my plane and being a coworker. Then I'm just going to annoy you until you read the damn thing in self defense, praying to God that this will finally shut me the hell up.

It won't. But you go right ahead and give it a try. Good for you!

So yes, shameless using is occurring, even as we speak. Type. Read. You know what I mean. You're being used like a cheap piece of meat. I didn't even buy you dinner or tell you I loved you first. Don't you just feel dirty?

I thought so. You're welcome.

Anyway. My dilemma is this--wait a minute. I have to give you backstory. Because I do. Because I do! You won't have a clue what's what if I don't.

Yes, that would be a bad thing. Sheesh, you're acting like we're married!!! I have only one faux spouse and she never reads this blog.

Not that this hurts me. Moving on.

As you may recall, I had a birthday a couple weeks ago. Very Nice Person had been informed of the event as it was upcoming, on several different occasions. On the actual day, however, VNP was in Ocean City, MD, partying with his buddies...

...Forgetting my birthday entirely.

No, I did NOT cause the hurricane that swept through the area. Pfft. Please. If I could do that, I would hit plenty of other places first.

I gave him until midnight, east coast time, to call and wish me well. When he didn't, and I had had a small amount of good Irish whiskey, I called to inform him of his error. Exclamations of regret and apology were uttered; he is, after all, a Very Nice Person. I also informed him of my intention to use this against him on several future occasions.

Yes, several. Something like this doesn't produce a one-time needling, so to speak.

He accepted that abuse would be heaped upon his head, and more than once, as is appropriate behavior, given his lapse. In ensuing conversations, he acknowledged his impending doom. So all's right in the world. Right?

Not so much.

In the time since my [forgotten] birthday, I have not yet received a gift, flowers or even a belated birthday card. At this point, and as I see it, I have a few options.

  1. I could fold my hands demurely and wait patiently for VNP to think of giving me a belated token of his esteem, all on his own, as if psychically prompted. [Yeah. I know.]

  2. I could build a bridge and get over it. [Yeah. No kidding.]

  3. I could inform him that the aforementioned torment of the damned that was to be his for forgetting my birthday is about to commence and it would be in his best interest to send flowers/chocolates/something pretty immediately.

Hmm. So many possibilities. Whatever will I do?


  1. what to do... what to do..... HHmmm. Basically you shouldn't have to teach your man basic manners. At his age, common sense and respect for birthdays should come standard. Do you really want to "just get over" this ? And hope that it won't happen every year? He's a busy guy who lives across the country, a busy guy who apparently doesn't take hints well. If he did at this point send you something... would it take the sting out missing the event in the first thing? don't lower your standards sister. You deserve better!

  2. I must agree with rover in that you do deserve someone who thinks of you and remembers details of your life that are important. Having said this I am reminded of forgetting my 10th anniversary this year.(oh crap)Anyway, I do find it interesting that this bothers you so much due to the fact that there is no china being picked out as you say. Are you sure you didn't have anything to do with that hurricane or maybe the earthquake?

  3. Analysis of contracts suggests that there has been an offer (namely, multiple acts of retribution by the wounded party), and an acceptance (that said retribution is due compensation for earlier failure at Vulcan mind-meld). Offer may not be modified after acceptance has occurred. Plaintiff seeks to interpret available facts as though defendant had somehow promised flowers, chocolate or other such tokens of birthday goodwillery (hey, it's a word now) in response to the offer of retribution. Available facts do not support this interpretation.
    Vulcan mind-melds are not recognized by this court, neither as spontaneous occurrences nor as induced via threats of retribution.

    Plaintiff is awarded one set of blueprints for a bridge.

  4. Bridge, start building...

  5. Hands over wrench, building plans......

  6. another option.. wait for a real man to come along.

  7. After reading the above comments, I now suspect that "anonymous" is actually the man in question. Perhaps I'm wrong.... perhaps not.
    "Offer may be not be modified after acceptance has occurred????" That sucks. Offers can always be modified, and relationships shouldn't be regarded as "court."
    I would take those blueprints and build myself another man to start over with, because this has his head up his ass and is enjoying the view.
    Just my opinion.

  8. You are wrong on atleast ONE count of anonymous..
    But don´t worry, I have told Lisa the same in a mail..
    Bridge, start building.

    There ARE bigger AND more sinister events in the world then a birthday, even a forgotten one.
    Why do you congratulate people on their birthday anyways?
    They haven´t done shit.
    If anyone you should congratulate Lisas parents for the excellent judgement of getting it on and creating her..
    That might be my strong sence of credit where credit is due talking though.

    I´d rather congratulate Lisa on her weight lost.
    Now THAT´s an achievement.

    aka. Capt. Mikael XXXXX
    SWE SF. (Not a very nice person, rather a social claymore actually.)

  9. ;P This is entertaining as heck :) What kind of blog can you visit that keeps you engrossed from beginning to end....the end being the end of the comments section (at least for the day you're reading it)....sometimes I go back to see if there are more comments!