Monday, August 1, 2011

She does it all the time.

Nora Roberts is the queen of modern romance novels. We all know and accept this.

And by "we," I mean anyone who is even remotely attached to the world of romance novels. Reading, writing, publishing, book selling. I imagine if you live on Nora Roberts' block, you know this. Hell, if you live in Nora Roberts' zip code, you know this.

This amazing woman has published more that two hundred novels since the 1980s. Over two hundred. Seriously. She's spent close to one thousand weeks on the New York Times Bestseller List, nearly two hundred of those weeks in the number one spot. I imagine she could submit her grocery list to a house and they would print it. I can guarantee you, I'd be in line to buy it.

Not that I love all of her books. I don't. Out of the 120-150 books of Nora Roberts' that I've read, I think I didn't love four of them. Oh, liked them, sure. But love? Not as much. The other LOVE.


I'm actually delighted for Nora Roberts and her massive success, which, I'm sure, is a great relief to her. She's probably weak with relief, right now, and has no idea why. The woman has earned her success. I don't resent that type of good fortune because she's worked for every single scrap of it.

And she's remarkably talented. She can break the "rules" of fiction writing because she writes so darn well. She does. She creates superb characters. She creates realistic and magical worlds, and I believe every single one of them exists. She tells stories that leave me happy, teary, laughing, satisfied, hungry for more.

I could love Nora Roberts. I could, but for one tiny thing.

She has never been on a diet a single day of her life.

How do I know this? How could I possibly know this? Not because Nora emailed me and told me so. Oh, no. That only happens in my fevered imagination. I know this because of Quinn, from Blood Brothers.

Quinn, the heroine or female protagonist of Blood Brothers, book 1 of the Sign of Seven trilogy, is a woman who has made a lifestyle change. That's right, Quinn has given up dieting and is trying to live in a fashion that keeps her body healthy and her weight in an acceptable range. A big joke throughout the book is Quinn's need for healthier food options.

Like 2% milk.

Other characters tease her about her requests for 2% milk, making reference to its watery appearance and taste. Quinn soldiers through, however, and continues to suffer bravely with 2% milk's flavorless burden.

That sound you hear is my forehead, hitting the desk.

2% milk has half the fat of whole milk. It has a distinctively different taste. It also has 120-125 calories per cup. It has five grams of fat. Per cup. FIVE. Any woman [or man, for that matter] who has been obsessed with dieting, BMIs, calories, fat grams and/or everything else I obsess over in regards to my weight know very well that you don't just blow that much of your day's intake on 2% milk!!

You go for skim. Zero grams of fat. Ninety calories per cup. That's eight ounces, people.

Yeah, it's blue-ish. Yeah, it tastes like thick water, until you get used to it. But like drinking real soda pop, jeeze louise, you just don't waste your calories on the real thing.

Nora Roberts is a lovely and gracious woman to her fans. She works like a fiend; she's been quoted saying that daylight hours are writing hours. She's talented. She's got staying power. She has a family and by all accounts, many good friends. Or at least good acquaintances. She is respected, if not revered, in the world of publishing.

And she's never been on a diet in her life. Gah.

I'll be in the corner. Sulking.


  1. Ah, but dear one, she exercises every day. Read her Adwoff forum about her trips. She moves.

    Adwoff= a day without french fries....

    As for skim milk, no way in hell am I going to drink that. If I do drink milk, 2% please because that's about all I can tolerate. Shudder.

    Now to go off and build a peep...possibly.


  2. She is indeed remarkably talented. But no more than you.
    And I'm with Kristen... that blue milk is ridiculous. I'd rather have Bud light on my cereal. No kidding. Its actually not bad with cookies.