Thursday, July 14, 2011

Plan B

Olympia Dukakis, as Ms. Claree, had many great lines in the movie Steel Magnolias. One of my favorites was:

"The only thing that separates us from the animals is our ability to

I love this. Although I am not an accessory queen myself, I appreciate it in others. Most of the time, I'm relieved if my shoes match each other, never mind my outfit. This is yet another disadvantage to being a slobbering mass of incoherence before 1159 AM.

Can you believe people actually want me to draw their blood before that time? It doesn't speak well of their intelligence, does it?

Anyway. One of the women on the WW message boards has this as her signature line:

I'm fairly certain that, given a cape and a nice tiara, I could save the

This may be correct, you know. After all, Wonder Woman was all about the accessories. Bracelets, tiara, whip. Although the whip might just have been for fun and games with her current love interest.

Hey, I'm not here to judge. Unlike some people I could name. [meaningful look]

Maybe if I wore one of my tiaras every day, I could become a superhero. I'm against the wearing of capes during superhero-type work, for safety's sake, but I cannot deny the kindness capes do, in camouflaging my less-than-svelte bits. But a tiara is very workable. I wonder if my purple one would clash with too many outfits? Maybe I'd have to stick to the silver one---

What? Yes, I have tiaras. Yes, more than one.


See, now you're judging me.

Look, I don't actually expect to save the world. But maybe if I had just a few superpowers, I could change some things. I'm not sure what yet. Obviously, this plan needs fine-tuning, but would it be lovely if the blaze of light from my sparkly tiara distracted people from road rage? Okay, not distracted to the point of running off the road, because that would be bad, but distracted from the irritation with the moron in front of seven blessed cars whose drivers just want to freaking drive the speed limit??????? Maybe the drivers of those cars would be soothed by the prettiness of the tiara.

It could happen. Yes, it could. Yes, it could!

Fine. If you're going to be like that, I'm taking my tiaras and leaving. Pffffffft!


  1. Stick with the tiaras.

    "No capes!" Edna Mode, The Incredibles. And I must agree. Safety hazard. Who knows when you might get sucked into a jet engine while wearing a cape?

    Ohhhh, you had some ijit driving too damn slow today? Must be a side effect of Carmageddon down in California. lolololol....

    Have a better day. :D

  2. I must insist upon visualizing this tiara collection of yours. There is a little fact I've probably not mentioned to you, I absolutely adore tiaras. However, sturdy hair is not my gift, so its hard for me to keep those things on my head. One good sneeze and someones got a rhinestone in their eye. Its horrible. But with 30 hair pins, a bungee cord and some claritin, I can really rock a tiara. We should do tea.