What to do...

Darling invisible friend, please do not faint. I realize that I'm posting twice in one day, but fear not---The End is not actually nigh. I..just felt like it.

Well, I'm really trying to noodle out a small dilemma, and I'm shamelessly using you as a sounding board. Now, given that you're invisible [and possibly imaginary] you are not obliged to respond. Heck, you're not obliged to do anything! I can't even make you read this blog, unless, of course, you bear the burden of existing in my plane and being a coworker. Then I'm just going to annoy you until you read the damn thing in self defense, praying to God that this will finally shut me the hell up.

It won't. But you go right ahead and give it a try. Good for you!

So yes, shameless using is occurring, even as we speak. Type. Read. You know what I mean. You're being used like a cheap piece of meat. I didn't even buy you dinner or tell you I loved you first. Don't you just feel dirty?

I thought so. You're welcome.

Anyway. My dilemma is this--wait a minute. I have to give you backstory. Because I do. Because I do! You won't have a clue what's what if I don't.

Yes, that would be a bad thing. Sheesh, you're acting like we're married!!! I have only one faux spouse and she never reads this blog.

Not that this hurts me. Moving on.

As you may recall, I had a birthday a couple weeks ago. Very Nice Person had been informed of the event as it was upcoming, on several different occasions. On the actual day, however, VNP was in Ocean City, MD, partying with his buddies...

...Forgetting my birthday entirely.

No, I did NOT cause the hurricane that swept through the area. Pfft. Please. If I could do that, I would hit plenty of other places first.

I gave him until midnight, east coast time, to call and wish me well. When he didn't, and I had had a small amount of good Irish whiskey, I called to inform him of his error. Exclamations of regret and apology were uttered; he is, after all, a Very Nice Person. I also informed him of my intention to use this against him on several future occasions.

Yes, several. Something like this doesn't produce a one-time needling, so to speak.

He accepted that abuse would be heaped upon his head, and more than once, as is appropriate behavior, given his lapse. In ensuing conversations, he acknowledged his impending doom. So all's right in the world. Right?

Not so much.

In the time since my [forgotten] birthday, I have not yet received a gift, flowers or even a belated birthday card. At this point, and as I see it, I have a few options.

1. I could fold my hands demurely and wait patiently for VNP to think of giving me a belated token of his esteem, all on his own, as if psychically prompted. [Yeah. I know.]


2. I could build a bridge and get over it. [Yeah. No kidding.]


3. I could inform him that the aforementioned torment of the damned that was to be his for forgetting my birthday is about to commence and it would be in his best interest to send flowers/chocolates/something pretty immediately.

Hmm. So many possibilities. Whatever will I do?