This way lies perdition.

Hello, darling invisible one. Did you miss me? I was "on vacation" last week. I use the dreaded quote marks because my vacation plans got screwed. Sideways. With a chainsaw. And maybe some lemon juice. I did very little that was wonderful and fabulous, which is what all vacations should be, and spent a fair amount of time embittered and tearful.

Oh, yes. Fun times for everyone.

Anyway, one fun thing that did happen was sushi night with the X-ray crowd, AKA Shakespeare's Weird Sisters, post makeover. Let me tell you all about it. Okay, most about it. Fine, some about it.

I was enjoying a lovely evening out with my darling friends Nina, Lisa and Connie [or Hecate and The Babes] when the fact that I was the only person at the table not on Facebook became a topic of discussion. The way they talked, you'd think I was the only person the planet not on Facebook.

What? Oh, stop it. There are lots of people not on Facebook. Okay, mostly these are people who don't have computers. Or electricity and running water, but they're still people, fer chrissakes.


Anyway. This has started to become the full-court press from some people. I had to wrestle my phone away from Adriane, one of my coworkers, when she tried to create a Facebook profile for me. This, by the way, is not as amusing or easy as it sounds. Adriane is not a wimp. And she elbows really hard. Which hurts my feelings. And my ribs.

I'm just saying.

Now, you may be wondering why the heck I'm so determined to stay away from Facebook. You and many other people might be clamoring/cackling over their cauldrons, "But Lisa Marie...It's so gosh darned fun! One can reunite with old school chums! Play meaningless and mind-numbing games! Chat endlessly with people all over the world! Update your current mindset endlessly!! You'd have so much fun!!!!!" To these people, I can only say:

Precisely.

If I were on Facebook, I would only be on Facebook. Constantly. Unfailingly. Ruinously. I would become one of my coworkers who can't be bothered to do the job at hand, because someone just posted something that needs a comment. I'd have to know what everyone's status was, all the time. I wouldn't be able to stop myself.

The dogs would be neglected, which, okay, might be an improvement on spoiled rotten. The garden would get over-grown...okay, more than it already is. I'd be unable to make it through an hour without pulling out my phone...okay, more than I already do. My exercise regime would--all right, quit laughing.

I'm trying to limit my time in the Hostess Snack Factory of temptation, and what do Hecate and her sisters do? They line the path to hell with Twinkies and HoHos.

"But Lisa Marie, if you were on Facebook, you could tag your blog. And then I would tag it to my friends, and they would tag it to theirs. Then everyone would read your blog!"

I'm not entirely sure what this tag thing means, but I know a Twinkie when I see one.