Truisms

My friend Carole sent me a cute email yesterday with a list of random, mostly true statements. I know, I know. I read a "forward." But some of them are funny. Like this snippet:

There is great need for a sarcasm font.

It's true, you know. If for no other demographic than single people in the dating pool.

Hm. No, I'm wrong there. Everyone needs this font. Except the people who don't understand sarcasm. Many of whom are in the dating pool.

You know, if there really is a dating pool, where's the chlorine? Where are the lifeguards? Who's on staff, fer chrissakes?

But, rather shockingly, I digress.

I popped over to the Mr.RightNow site to check messages this morning. I do that, not with any real hope or expectation, but mostly to reply to some people with whom I chat on a regular basis. [One of my little pals just met someone! No, really. Someone. Heehee!] Waiting for me, in my inbox, was this message.

so talk to me

--random guy I've never met

I can only imagine that this message was typed in a darkened room of some hot bachelor pad with Barry White rumbling on the hi-fi, composed by a man wearing sunglasses. Yes, in the darkened room. Definitely sunglasses. And possibly a leisure suit. At this point, we don't know.

What kind of response was he expecting, I wonder. Maybe this:

So I was talking with my friend Maureen about visiting her in New York, she lives in New York, it's such a cool city and they have all of those awesome museums and art galleries and everything, and even the shopping is amazing, because I'm not really shopper, actually I'm a really bad shopper, because I hate looking for clothes, but I love looking at stuff, like stuff for the house and the kitchen although there was there incredible jewelry store and they were so nice to me once we were buzzed in, past the guard--there was a guard there, if you can believe it, and the nice man behind the counter took out the necklace I saw in the window and showed it to me and told me it was moonstones, which I thought it was, because my friend Carla has earrings with moonstones and they're so pretty on her, but most everything is pretty on her and she has so many pretty things, because she is a good shopper and I've had her help me with shopping, because I like just shopping for things like antiques, like Depression glass, which I collect, in pale green and it's really pretty when you use it with some of my china which I also collect, but I try not to tell people, I mean guys, about it because they freak out when you say, "Oh, I'm just looking at china patterns."

[Apply sarcasm font here.]

I think he should have been more specific.