In regards to dating

In the past, a few dear friends have suggested Roommate join an online dating service. I've suggested it, myself, but after the first few beatings, ceased and desisted. The friends to whom I refer also met with...resistance. Some were actually foolish enough to suggest to me that we create the online profile and select the likeliest candidates, then present them, fait accompli, to Roommate.

Did I mention the beatings?

Need I say this plan did not come to fruition?

As it stands, Roommate is still not dating anyone. When asked, she states [quite firmly] that she wishes to meet someone the "normal" way. But unless more social activity occurs in her life, and therefore in my life, Normal will have to knock at the front door.

Maybe if I sent a wish list to the Omnipotent Comedian.... Okay, it didn't work for me. No one thought it would, though, right? And if I'm asking for someone else, maybe good things will happen.

What? What? Okay, stop it. Play along, fer chrissakes.

1) A nice guy. Yes, yes. I know I started with this on my wish list but it's still a valid request.

2) A Christian. After all, Roommate is one, too. No, I don't know why she hangs around me. Maybe she's being tested! Maybe she's such a developed soul that the only way for her to be challenged on earth is to be tormented by me!

Now, why are you snickering?

3) An active person. Roommate likes to do odd things, like "be productive." Even on her days off. It's unsettling.

4) A morning person. She's kind enough to be utterly quiet on my rare weekends to sleep late, but it's not the way she would function. It is only out of caring for me that she will sit in front of a muted TV at 0700. Or fear of the beast I am before noon. One of the two.

5) A man who likes to play pool. Or is willing to play pool. Yes, Roommate likes to play pool! She even has her own stick!

Stop it.

6) A not-terribly-adventurous eater. Please. Roommate will go to an Indian restaurant. She can be dragged to a sushi place. She will go anywhere that is asked of her, and really, quite stoically. But she won't be happy.

7) Someone who needs her, a little. Roommate likes to feel needed. It's part of how she defines her own value. And giving to others, caring for others, is her love language.

8) A man who looks at her and sees the wonderful person she is, recognizes the beauty she has, inside and out. One who isn't deterred by her initial reserve. One who feels the victory when she actually laughs out loud. One who who will look for the subtle clues in her manner and care about making her happy.

That's all. That's it. That's not asking too much. I don't even have to wonder about that. That's a reasonable set of requests for a wonderful person who deserves happiness.

Oh, and he should be hot.

Hey, she's human.