Tuesday, March 13, 2012

Injury Du Jour

Darling invisible friend, remember when I told you that I ran--ahem, attempted to run a mile? Remember how I said everything hurt after that? Remember the whining?

Okay, okay. I should be more specific, you're right.

Anyway. I conferred with pal/coworker/knee injury sufferer Connie about the way my knee felt post run. Knee had been cranky for a while before the run--and yes, I use the term "run" loosely--but after the run, Knee had turned downright vitriolic. I told Connie that I didn't want to go to the walk-in clinic; Knee's behavior, while unpleasant, was hardly emergent. I certainly didn't want to see my primary care physician; not only am I not terribly delighted with my PCP but I don't know that she is all that well-versed in sports medicine.

Sports. Heh. Yeah, I'm all about sports, aren't I?

But as I was saying. Orthopedics seemed the way to go, but...come on. It wasn't that serious. So I presented my thoughts to Connie.

"How long has it been hurting?" she asked.

"Mmm...a while now, maybe a few weeks."

"Go to ortho," she replied.

"But it's not terrible--"

"Go to ortho."

"I don't want to be one of those morons--"

"No. Go to ortho."

So I did. I went to ortho, prepared to have the PA look at me and roll his eyes and show me something stupid that I was doing, or not doing. I got ninety-five billion x-rays [okay, maybe six different views] and then met a fairly pleasant fellow who looked at my pictures and said, "Okay. Well, you have..."

Wait for it.

"...Runner's knee."

No, no. Go ahead. Laugh. Everyone else has. And who can blame you, really?

Evidently, the width of my sizable hips and lack of inner thigh strength have conspired to yank my kneecap out of alignment, thus irritating the crap out of Knee and causing its lamentable behavior and foul language. Solution to this problem? Physical therapy. With a non-perky therapist named Josh. And in the meantime. No lunges. No crouching or kneeling. And...

Wait for it.

No running.

Hi, Cloud. Meet Silver Lining.


  1. I have No-Diet-itis. That's a thing too, right? :)

  2. Running is bad. Unless you are running FROM something, its really unnecessary, and actually harmful! Do runners ever look like they are having fun?? Have you ever seen someone running with a smile on their face?? Nope. Usually its a face expressing severe pain, and sometimes anger, with a side of constipation and/or diarrhea.
    And lunges?? don't get me started. The first thing you do once you arrive in hell is a set of lunges... followed by a marathon. Enough said.

  3. See, exercise is bad for your health.

  4. Now you and youngest have something in common. She gets to strengthen her VMO to pull her sloppy knee caps back in line.

    I nag her about it. Now that she can build muscle (thanks to her crappy thyroid), I really get to nag her about it. Well, after the allergist appt. then I'll commence the nagging again.

    Hope you feel better soon.

  5. I have seen men run their entire morning PT runs with a shiteating grin on their face...Yes.
    hem One mil ones..
    And noo, not them gay US miles..REAL mil.

    Fact: IF you are trying to looses weight you will have to burn more chalories then you stuff your face with..

    Fact: No better way to burn chalories then to run... I fuckin DARE you to tell me Yoga or some inane shit like that burn more chalories..

    Fact: LM, you ma´m are a liar.. You were not only allowed but TOLD to run...In a pool.

    Questions on that?

    Now get to work..


  6. Of course you've seen men run their whole morning with a smile on their face, probably because some wonderful individual like yourself is there to smack them if they don't! Being crazy also makes you grin, Einstein.
    I "fuckin dare" you to write something that's NOT offensive. Good luck with that.

  7. Well you feel good doing something that will only benefit you in the long run.
    And as yo uobviously release endorphines while physically exherting yourself you feel happier also..

    You should try it ma´m.

    Here is something that might not be offensive to you.
    Have a very nice life ma´m..

    If LM is offended by me or any of my comments on her blog she is free to tell me so herself..
    The peanut gallery..While useless..Need not chime in.

  8. Michael, you are also part of the peanut gallery, chiming in seems to be part of this process, no??
    Assuming I am unaware of the whole endorphin release process is clearly a bit presumptive on your part. But thanks anyway.
    And have yourself a nice life too!! Jack ass.

  9. Darling ones, how I delight in your comments! ALL of your comments. I love the fact that you are having a conversation with each other as well as with me. The interaction between spirited people is always welcome, so go ahead. Comment. Respond. Deride. Quarrel.

    Do try, however, to keep the bloodshed to a minimum. The stains are a nightmare.