Monday, July 19, 2010

The battle rages onward.

It's not been pretty.
When the roommate and I moved into this house, there was a huge cedar stump in the middle of the yard. The problem was, roommate hated it on sight. did make mowing a little odd. It had a huge root mound and it need to be removed.
Do you know how much it costs to remove a stump? Yeah. Anyway.
The roommate was determined to remove it. Or, since we are cleverly disguised as lesbian life partners, WE would remove the stump. How hard could it be, right?
I think the biggest error was neglecting to inform the stump that it was to be removed because wow, has it been resistant to the whole process. The roommate actually bought a teeny weeny chainsaw to aid us in our efforts. Sure, it took 9 months and her mother's boyfriend to get the sucker running, but we have used it on the stump. The stump did not appreciate it.
We've broken two shovels, one ax, countless fingernails and any number of pleasant dreams about weekend activities on this stump. This past weekend...the stump really fought back. You can see in the above images before and after pictures of the stump; you can also see my stump bite.
That's right. It bit me. Vicious thing.
What I did not photograph and post was the other injury caused by the stump. It would not be appropriate to put a picture of this particular owie as it is in a...private area. In the midst of the stump battle, I tripped---and I do believe the stump arrange for this tripping of mine---and pitched forward onto one of the spiky bits of the stump. If you look up at the before picture of the stump that shows the back of our house, you can see the spiky bits in their original form. Since the battle started, those pointy things have gotten...pointier. When I fell forward, I landed on my [how to put this...] chest. Yes. That part of my chest. Exactly on that part of my chest.
I regret to say, there was bad language used. And I think I heard the stump laugh. Vicious, vicious thing.
Now, with every chunk of stump we pull out of the ground and laugh and say to it, "Oh, you'll burn this winter. You'll burn."
Believe me, it has it coming.


  1. Evil stump.

    Must burn. Must stop torturing humans.

    I just let mine rot. Oh wait, I don't have a pretty yard like that. :D

  2. C4 shapedcharge+detcord+detonator = 15 second sollution to your problem.
    But it´s more fun this way, isn´t it? ;-)

    I predict this will be a tale of epic proportions that will involve princesses in distress, horses and a couple of white knights and a few dark spells before you lot are done.

  3. LOL!!!!! Please stop making me laugh. I will have to go and pee.

    All I can say is that you need to hire a Boy Scout to get rid of this so called vicious stump. They are good at chopping wood and lighting fire so that the said vicious stump would make some good firewood. Heck, he probably would have done it for free. You know how destructive these guys are when you let them loose.

  4. aw, poor you! now, how bout you find an amazingly built man with one of those superb chests....invite a bunch of horny gals like me....we'll all pitch in some money....bring along our folding chairs and wine...and enjoy the view....I can even help you find some ladies willing to pay for such a might even make money off of it! sigh....

  5. Ok, I think the Maureens (or Mo Squareds) are completely in synch on this. Chesty hot guys doing lawn work...hmmm...yup, let me buy the plane ticket!

  6. Well, hey there Mo squared. This the Boy Scout here, Scout Master actually. Well, if you are all willing to pay me, I will come down there and put ona show for you ;-). Yes, I have an axe and know how to use it, LOL! Interested in throwing a party Lisa?