Tuesday, July 13, 2010

All right, then.

What do I really, really want in a man?

I think we all have a vague idea of what we want, as we grow up. I think there's a picture in our heads of some mythical Prince Charming and sometimes, I think some of us find our prince. Sometimes he is the prince. Sometimes he just looks like the prince, but turns out to be the dragon. But for the rest of us, we go on, some searching, some not, for a reasonable prince-like facsimile.

If I'm not going to settle for Mr. GoodEnough, or Mr. HasAPulse, or Mr. OhHellIWantToBeMarriedSoYouWillHaveToDo, maybe I should have a concrete list of what I want. The things in a person for which I long. And yes, concrete is certainly the wrong word to use. I like to think I have some flexibility. But maybe, just maybe, if I'm specific enough, the Omnipotent Comedian...well, will find someone else to toy with.

Yeah...maybe not. But hey, we're here anyway. Right?

Now, dear imaginary friend. Do I need to list the obvious ones? Hmm. Maybe I do. Maybe I haven't been a clear on things I think are obvious.

Nice. A nice guy. I don't care what anyone says, the Bad Boy is not for me. The surly, tough-guy, hard-living, Harley-riding tattooed nightmare of most fathers? No, thank you. Someone who says please and thank you and how are you today. Someone who can be well-behaved in public and sincerely mean the kind things he says. Even if he doesn't say them all the time. The kind of guy who'll help out a stranger he sees struggling with something heavy. A nice guy.

Respectful. Not just to me, but to people. Not just to people in general, but specifically to me. Someone who respects himself, too. I think respect is the root of courtesy and sadly, this is a huge reason we don't see the flower of courtesy much.

Wacky, but in a good way. Someone who can be around me at my absolute weirdest and just laugh. At me, with me. Someone to whom I don't always have to explain the joke. Someone who blindsides me with something hilarious now and then.

Strong. Not invincible, not bullet-proof. Just strong. Strong enough to weather my storms and not be too fragile to every day of grumps I get. Someone who can look at me when I'm through my vent and says, "Done? Better? Okay, where do you want to go for dinner? I'm thinking Thai food." And this isn't to say I don't want a man who is--

Attentive. Maybe this is part and parcel of the whole "He's just not that into you" thing, but I'd like to be around someone who's actually interested in what I have to say and wants to hear me. I shouldn't dominate every conversation [and yes, I hear you giggling right now] but when I'm speaking, I'd really like him to listen. And pays a little bit of attention to what I say as well as what I don't say.

Yes, there are a few things I don't say. Shut up.

Passionate. I don't want to have to peel a guy off of me in public, fer chrissakes, but it'd be nice to have someone interested in being with me. I'd love to have a man who delighted in me. Who celebrated my person. Who would monkey---okay, I'll stop there. But you know where I was headed with that.

Honest and faithful. I don't want to share. Oh, I'll share a recipe. I'll share my lunch. I'll share my opinion with anyone or anything that sits still in my presence long enough. But I don't want to share a man. And as a bonus, I don't want to have to wonder if I've been exposed to STDs from here to Tuesday. I want the man in my life to choose me. Every day.

And since I'm dreaming....

I want a man who likes my cooking. Who's willing to share that job, but is thrilled when I've made chicken paprika and nokedli and begs me to make those killer chocolate chip cookies. Who's willing to try something new and thinks he might enjoy it. And doesn't get snotty if it's not exactly what he might have wished.

I want a man who will try to solve practical problems. Like why the lawn mower isn't running. And how to caulk the shower properly. Someone who wants to pitch in around the house, even if it's with only the "manly" stuff. Even if it's the un-"manly" stuff. Someone who will fix something and show it off to me and be as pleased as a five year old with a new frog when I ooo and ahh. [Btw, I'm completely willing to ooo and ahh. It only seems right, if I expect the same reaction to my cooking and...other things.]

I want a man who will understand my love for my dog even if he's not in love with her himself. Yes, it would be great to have a man who's as much of a dog freak as I am, but one who gets my attachment and doesn't get jealous.... Yes. Jealous. Don't make me tell you that story.

And mostly, I want a man who's capable of being happy. Whom I can please and delight and amaze and entertain. Someone who can find happiness in his own interests and friends that he shares with me and sometimes, enjoys on his own. Or with his buddies. Someone who finds joy in his life.

Is this really asking so much? Tell me if I'm being unreasonable in this.


  1. Kris the toe crosser for good thingsJuly 13, 2010 at 8:42 PM

    No, it isn't too much.

    Not too much at all.

  2. Nope, not at all. I hope you find him and he finds you.

  3. Yes it is, you never shut the hell up.. ;-)

  4. Your desire is not unreasonable. Also reasonably, I invite you now to consider the other side of the coin:
    What kind of woman would that kind of man want?
    I look forward to your thoughts.

  5. I think if you have a base of nice, smart, and attractive the rest just falls into place.

  6. I do really believe that what you wish for is very possible. More so you deserve a man like this. The only problem that I see is that you will NEVER find this sort of man in the city. Honey you need a Country Gentleman. A cowboy or a woodsmen with a really great Mama.