Wednesday, May 29, 2013

Volvo 1, Lisa Marie 0

This is the shape of the warning light that popped up on Volvo's dash when I was driving home from Courtney's house on Saturday night.  Generally, when Volvo flashes a warning light at me, it's not a good sign.  It usually means Volvo and I will be visiting the mechanic and it will cost us hundreds--if not thousands--of dollars.  Needless to say, I was a bit upset when I saw a heretofore unseen warning light, especially since I had NO idea what it indicated.
The conversation went like this:
Volvo:  Ping!
Me:  Wait.  What's that?  What does that mean?
Volvo:  La la la la la la....
Me:  What?  What is it?  What does that symbol mean?  Half circle-ish thing with lines?
Volvo:  Hmm hmm hmm hmm....
Me:  WHAT??  We're out of orange juice?  We need pulp-free?  You're sensitive to acids?  WHAT????!!!!
Volvo:  [quiet chuckle]
Me:  Fine.  I'm too tired to worry about it.  I'll look at it tomorrow.
Volvo:  Sure.  That's fine.  I'm not all that expensive to fix, when you've driven me.  ON AN INJURY.
Me:  DAMMIT.  Fine!  I'll look at the book when I get home.  I can't look right now; I'm driving.
Volvo:  Perfectly reasonable.  How many miles is it to the house?  On the freeway?  At night?
Me:  ARG!!!!!!  Where's a parking lot??  Where's a damn parking lot?????
Volvo:  Well, there's one we're just about to pass--oh.  Okay.  I guess we're pulling in, Mario Andretti.
Me:  You shut up.  Where's the book?  Okay, index...warning lights...Rear fog light?
Volvo:  Yes!
Me:  You have rear fog lights?
Volvo:  Tcha!  Of course I do.
Me:  Well, how did that get turned on?  How do I turn...seriously?  This switch?  That's what this was all about?
Volvo:  Well, it was this or the Hokey Pokey.
Me:  [thunking head against steering wheel]
Volvo:  Heehee!

Volvo has a mean sense of humor.

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