Sunday, August 29, 2010


We all have questions, don't we, dearest invisible friend? We all have things we really want to know. Who am I, really? Why am I here? Will I live to see a world at peace? Is there really an Omnipotent Comedian? What the hell is that, stuck on the bottom of my shoe? What's the air velocity of the laden swallow?

Allow to to reassure you, dear one, that I do not have the answers to most of these questions. Oh, sure, I could make something up, but we both know I'd be lying, and what, really, is the point of lying when one knows she is not going to get away with it? Far better to save the lies for something I have an outside chance of pulling off. Sadly, I am a terrible liar. I give it a try now and again, but I suck at it. Anyway....

Some questions can, of course, be answered. Example:

Q: Will my mother ever let up on me?
A: Of course not, you silly cow. Have you been paying attention during the last four decades?

It's nice to have an answer sometimes. Sometimes, one might wish she hadn't asked the question at all, but there we are. There are times when I ask a question and truly hope someone will tell me the answer. Ooo! Let's try asking one of them now!

Why would a man ask me to act stupid? No, really. He did. We were having what I thought was a pleasant enough conversation when out of the blue, this "man" said that after a hard week, he didn't want to be "challenged" by me and asked me, could I act a bit more feminine?

Yes, by all means, take a moment. I know I had to.

When I picked my jaw up off the floor, I asked him if he could define "feminine behavior" in this case. He told me I should act a bit stupid, giggle, smell good and wear short skirts. I can only guess that the hair-twirling was optional.

Yes, I'm serious. And evidently, so was he. Hey, I can't make this stuff up!

It is in moments such as these that I ask far more pertinent questions: What is the end goal of this man, in regards to me? Does he want to date me? Does he hope to find his future life-mate in me? Does he merely want to divest me of my panties? All reasonable goals, really, when one considers it. But does this man think that this behavior will increase his odds at achieving aforementioned goal?

I have no answer.


  1. Wow...glad to see he made it out of the 1950s.

    Keep being who you are.

    Now, back to the shadows I go.


  2. Cro-Magnon not worthy of the Lisa. Glurg will find other wo-man to spend time with. The Lisa will find man more worthy.
    But, since you asked... (I double-checked.)
    What this cerebrally-challenged fellow might have been attempting to articulate was a desire to be able to relax in your presence: it can feel like a lot of pressure for a mere mortal to get the impression he has to be capable of improvising witty banter worthy of a 1940's screwball comedy all the freaking time. I, for one, can imagine a sequence by which Glurg might have gotten such an impression. Yes, I speculate.

  3. Wow, I really hope you shaved. I bet you he hates stubble.

  4. Wow...all I can say is what a FW!!!! You know exactly what I'm talking about :) Hmmmm...let's see, in order for him to relax he wants you to act like a ditzy, giggly, school-girl...maybe you should direct him to the nearest high school!!! LOL

  5. oh NO he didn't! heh heh...i'm imagining you twirling your hair...and giggling....

  6. Wow, what an interesting life you lead. Never a dull moment for our dear Lisa. As for your questions, watch The Matrix trilogy to confuse you some more. I think the swallow travels at 35 mph but, don't quote me on it, and the answer to your last set of questions is, of course, C! LOL.

  7. The closest mental pic of a giggling, hair twirlling Lisa would be as Kate played by Eliabeth Taylor in 1966ish Taming of the Shrew....every time she would smile in a seductive & sweet was to allow the foolish man to get a little closer before she swung something large heavy & blunt at them!