Hello, dear imaginary friend! I'm so sorry I disappeared for so long; I have no decent excuse. Oh, sure, I could lie and tell you a story, but somehow, I just know you'd know that I was lying. And really, after all we've meant to each other, I couldn't do that to you.
Okay, that, and I don't feel like working that hard on a lie that I won't even get away with. Pfft. What a waste of time. Completely not what I'm about...other than the blogging thing. Heehee!
Our topic of discussion is apropos, given my recent invisibility. Now, I'd considered this topic a while back, but every time I'd tried to discuss it, it just sounded so whiny. I know! Again, completely not who I am.
Why are you laughing? Yes, you are. Yes, you are! Are you done now? Fine. Moving on.
As I was saying, before being interrupted by mockery, our topic of discussion is the IDM. The Incredible Disappearing Man. Many have not heard of this phenomena. Many may believe that this is something I've invented. Such is not the case, my fictional reader.
Imagine, if you will, meeting a nice man. [Yes, yes. I know. Just play along. Sheesh!] It could be online, it could be at church, it could be in a bar. You talk, or email, or IM. You have a lovely time. You even go on a date, or two. And then....
Gone. Like the great woolly mammoth. Gone. GONE. And you can't get ahold of him. Nope. Not by phone, not by text, not by letter, not by telegram, not by email, not by IM, not by carrier pigeon, not even by freaking smoke signal. It is as if the hand of God has reached down and plucked him off the face of the earth, and swept into an alternate universe where no one, but no one, can reach him. Now, if you think like I do, your immediate thought will include this man's accidental death in a ditch, caused by some hideous but preventable health concern. "Oh, my lord! He must be dead in a ditch somewhere from a pulmonary embolism; he was such a nice man and...and he said he'd call me!"
Sadly, no. The IDM is alive and well, but pretending you [or I] do not exist. And it's not like anyone did anything stupid on the date, like mention what your first three children will be named or describe your ideal engagement ring. No one spent any time slamming ex significant others. It wasn't a one night stand; no standing occurred.
I do not understand the IDM. Really, isn't it easier just to leave a voice mail, or an email, or text message, fer chrissakes, saying thank you for a lovely evening, but this just isn't what he's looking for? He wouldn't have to block anyone's number on the phone, he wouldn't have to delete emails. Why the disappearing act? I hate to fall back on the men-are-poopooheads standby, but in this case, it does seem appropriate.
IDMs are just big poopooheads.