I looked in at the Mister-Right-Now dating site today, just to see if anyone had emailed me. While I was there, a chat window popped up. I was feeling brave, or perhaps just cavalier, so I accepted the chat.
Jim, or Canada40, seems a pleasant fellow. He is, surprisingly, from Canada. I know! Whodathunkit. Anyway, after initial greetings were exchanged, he asked if I would be willing to go to Vancouver to meet.
Blink.
While I've traveled farther to meet men, it did seem a little quick off the mark, and I suggested we see how things went before we worried about my traveling to Vancouver. Not that I mind such a short drive. Not that I haven't driven to Vancouver for Coffee Crisp and Hungarian sausage. But still.
When I asked him the same question, he responded with the information that he did not come to the US.
No passport.
Okay.
As I redirected the conversation to one of my favorite topics, hockey, Jim seemed willing to discuss this delightful pastime. He asked which teams I followed and seemed to approve of my favorites.
NB: One cannot assume that all Canadians are interested in hockey. That would be a stereotype. Okay, it's accurate some of the time. A lot of the time. Most of the time. But not all of the time.
In a very short amount of time, Jim posed a new question to me, one I can only assume was based on my love of watching hockey. He asked---wait for it---
--He asked if I am "feminine."
Blink.
Blink.
I replied, "Feminine? As opposed to...butch? Hm. I guess so."
Jim's response was to inquire if I liked women. I managed to reign in my initial response.
This guy is waving more high-alert flags than Red Square in the height of the Cold War. The Kremlin didn't have this much red-flag action. If I ran, I would be running away now.
God bless Border Patrol.
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Did you tell him you had to go because your female life [partner (a/k/a roommate) was calling?
ReplyDeleteAlso, you are a Canuck magnet my dear. Not saying it's a bad thing...just an observation.
Also, they have caught the I5 killer, right? Follow up question--how impressed are you that I know about I5 and that it had a killer. That happened way west of the Hudson!! :)
This guy sounds like a rare treasure... (NOT!)
ReplyDeleteWow. Red flags, indeed. I think that you really SHOULD go up to meet him. Let him know that you are interested. You might get something out of it! The conversation could go something like this:
ReplyDeleteJim: (in his head...) "Oh no. She likes hockey and seems knowledgeable. Hockey. Woman. Smart. Knows stats.... LESBIAN!!!!! DAMN! I thought I was gonna get me some, for a change." (out loud...) "Are you "feminine?"
LM: Blink. Blink. "Feminine? As opposed to...butch? Hmmm. I guess so."
JIM: (in head...) "TWO lesbians, and at least one is FEMME! Maybe I WILL get me some! (Out loud...) "Do you want to come to Vancouver with your partn.. I mean.. Roommate?"
LM: (in head...) "I can't believe this idiot! But OK.. I'll play..." (out loud...) "Why would you want us to do that?"
JIM: "Sometimes it is fun if you have more than two to tango."
LM: "oooooooh... I see. KEWL! Well, let me check with my roomma...LOVER. I think her herpes is finally in remission after all of that medication."
JIM: (in head...) "shPOOPt. Herpes. Well, maybe this can still go my way. THINK FAST JIMBO!" (out loud...) "That's OK. Mostly I just like to, ummm watch." (in head...) "GREAT recovery, Jim!" (patting self on back)
LM: "Oh, I see. Well, we are really looking foward to your payment that day..."
JIM: "PAYMENT? Why would you want to be paid?!"
LM: "Well, if you are going to treat us as though we are prostitutes, you probably should REALLY treat us like ladie...LESBIANS of the evening"
JM: (in head...) "You are losing this chance bud. It's your FANTASY!! LITTLE JIMBO has ALWAYS wanted this" (out loud..) "umm.. welllll... we MIGHT be able to arrange for that, if you really insist..."
LM: (coyly) "Oh, baby. I don't mean to hurt your widdle feelings" (blink. blink. eye bat. lip lick). (in head) "Dd%^CKWAD!" (out loud...) "It's just that travel to meet such INTERESTING people costs a great deal these days."
JIM: "I know what you mean, sweetie. I'll give you anything that you want. You are SO special to me" in LITTLE JIMBO's head_... "YEAH BABY!" (BIG Jim, out loud, voice wavering in fear and excitement..) "Whats it gonna cost me?"
LM: (In head...) "ASSH%^E" (Out loud) "I would NEVER take advantage of you sweet cheeks, but it really may cost you more than you want to pay. I feel so bad taking advantage of your kindness"
JIM (in head..) "She's gonna do it! I can't believe I finally will have LITTLE JIMBO's dreams fulfilled!" (Out loud...) "You know I love you baby. I would do ANYTHING for you" (in head...) "Well, for little, Jimbo, anyway" (out loud...) "ANYTHING!"
LM: (blink. blink. eye bat. lip lick) "Well, OK, baby. As long as you are willing and I am not hurting your feelings...sigh... Our charge is..."
LITTLE JIMBO: "YOU HAVE ME AT ATTENTION!!"
BIG JIM: "ANYTHING!"
LM: "Hungarian Sausage and Coffee Crisp!!"
So you see, dear LM, amazing blog writer, this really COULD go your way. I say use it to your benefit. AND bring a fairly butch bodyguard!
Wow. Some people.........
ReplyDeleteWant a frying pan, freshly warmed up, for the meet with him? It's cast iron. hehe.
Thanks for the snort, Anon.
Thats not a red flag!! Its a red circus tent beckoning you in, in order to provide you with enough comic material for several books. Of course, personal safety would have to be a consideration... and I'd go with Kristin and the frying pan (although I think its better once frozen).
ReplyDelete