Tone Deaf

That's what I'd like to be.

Some people will tell you that I have already achieved this, but this isn't about music or singing. No, no. This is about the faulty method of communication found in emails, instant messages and message boards.

I've always rolled my eyes when people whine, "It's not what _____ said, it was how s/he said it." I've even rolled my eyes as I've said it. In fact, as I write this post, I'm rolling my eyes at myself. Soon, my disgust will be enhanced by a small headache.

Eye rolling is hard on a person.

Anyway. As you are painfully aware by now, dearest, I have been on Weight Watchers for twelve weeks. The online tools have been fairly helpful, in an annoying and time-consuming sort of way, and I have recently started reading some of the posts on the message boards.

And as we both know, I cannot keep silent and just lurk like any decent human being. I must--MUST--comment. Heck, I even started a thread. I started a thread and this is when tone became the latest burr under my saddle. Not that I have a saddle. Or a horse. Or maybe that saying implies that the speaker is a horse. Well, whatever it is, I'm sure you get my meaning and empathize with my irritation.

Then again, maybe you won't. We shall have to see.

So this is what happened. Yes, I do have to tell you. Yes, it is going to be a long one. Why should today be different?

I had a lovely weekend celebrating Roommate's birthday. In regards to following my weight-loss plan...I wasn't wildly successful. Oh, don't get me wrong; I didn't lose my mind, or anything. Stuff just...added up. A lot. At least it did Saturday.

For Sunday, I was determined to do things a little differently and again, was not overburdened with success. Here's what I posted on the message board:

It was my roommate's birthday yesterday. We went to The Keg Steakhouse. I
had a plan.

No, I did! I really did! I knew that wonderful sourdough bread would be
served and I knew I would want that, so I made a deal with myself. I could order
a large salad with grilled shrimp on the top instead of the steak and
twice-baked potato I used to order every time I went to the Keg. I would have my
dressing on the side and merely dip my fork into it. I would order a side of
asparagus. I would take the zucchini and mushrooms and red pepper from my
roommate, who doesn't eat a lot of produce. And I would allow myself bread
and butter.

They put the dressing on the side [I used almost none of it] and the blue
cheese crumbles were also in a side condiment holder. I had maybe a tablespoon
of that. And I didn't worry too much about the pecans [healthy oils] dried
cranberries or mandarin orange slices scattered among the baby spinach and red
onion. Oh, and the veggies? All were glistening and gorgeous...I guessed a
tablespoon of oil on the veggies alone. And yes, I had ONE cupcake. ONE. But
still! Not terrible, I thought. I knew I'd be over, but not horribly.

Until I added it all up. The best laid plans.... I just don't
think three hours of yardwork is going to balance this one out.

Pretty straight-forward stuff, right? A response appeared quickly:

So, now that you've looked at it...make another plan...for the next time
you go. What would you do differently? What pushed you over point wise? What
would you have given up. Bread/butter and dessert in the same meal...sounds like
a lot to me. what pushed you?

I am relatively certain that this person intended to be helpful. I am. No, really. But for some reason, this response made one of my hackles rise.

Okay, two.

Maybe six.

I'm just saying.

First, does anyone need to be pushed to eat bread and butter and dessert? I didn't think so! And frankly, this might seem like a "lot" to this person, but I eat like a linebacker. A body like this didn't happen by accident, you know. I didn't wake up one day after overindulging in one meal to find that my body had morphed into a small land mass. It didn't happen because I dislike food. After all, if it's not nailed down or moving, I'll pretty much eat it.

The whole comment may not be so bad, but it felt really judgemental to me. This person has made many, many other comments and almost never have I seen anything really encouraging. A list of errors made, sure. Instruction on what SHOULD have been done, absolutely. But encouragement?

Nope.

At this point, I see three possibilities.

1) The fallible medium of electronic communication has not allowed for this person's sincere good will toward others to be expressed. Can't read the "tone," right? Perhaps this person believes tough love is the best encouragement. Maybe.

2) I am being a trifle oversensitive. No, really! It happens. Oh my, are you feeling faint? Do you need a damp towelette? I'm so sorry to shock you, but now and then, this oversensitivity of mine does happen. [It's a lot to take in. I realize that. Take a moment to absorb.]

3) The commentator is a hideous beast of a creature who deserves to be kicked repeatedly with pointed toe leather boots. Metal studs on said boots are optional, as are other leather accouterments.

I have not decided which possibility is the most likely, but I have been checking boot prices online.

Just saying.